Thursday, May 18, 2017

the list

3 years ago I wrote a post that ended in a list.  It was a very different time, i was in a different place.
As different as I was,  the list was timeless. It always had been, and always will be, a list of little important things.

A list of little things I want.
A list of little things that I know I need.

Every so often I pull it out.
Remind myself of the important things, you know?

Shall we take a look?

I want smiles and laughter.
- Yep. Check.

I want someone who doesn't mind messes.
- Doesn't mind my messes at all. Even helps me clean them up.

I want him to smile and pull me close when I put my cold feet on his.
- Even in his sleep.

I want him take one look at me and know how I’m doing. Instantly. And try to make it better, even just a little bit.
- He's figuring it out, what makes it better.

I want to admire him.  I want to tell him, “I hope my son grows up to be like you”
- he's a good guy.  A really good guy.

I want him to make my heart sing.
- every time.

I want him to sing to me and tell me stories. I miss stories.
- lots of singing. lots. and he's not a tenor.

I want him to know he adds to the happiness in my heart, but is not my only happiness.
- he knows.

I want him to understand my hurts, accept them and help heal them.
- he does.

I want him to be my friend first.
- we were friends 20+ years ago. And we are again.

I want him to understand how important family is to me and to feel the same way.
- he understands.

I want one day to realize that this guy, this great friend, means more to me than I thought.
- it didn't happen in one day. Or all at once. But it happened. Continues to happen.

And I want him to feel the same way.
I want it to hit him like a ton of bricks.
And have the courage to tell me.
- it was a good day, the tell-me day.

a very good day.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017


One day I hope you find someone who will hug you so fiercely all your pieces will fit back together.

Inside that hug, you'll be a whole person, complete and able to breathe.

One day I hope you find someone who will hug you so gently that you melt enough for your pieces to stick back together, for a little while.

For that little while, you'll be a whole person,  complete and able to breathe.

And one day,  if you're very lucky, I hope you find someone who will hug you so perfectly that you forget you were broken, so beautifully mended your pieces will be.

Only then you will realize you were always a whole person, complete and able to breathe.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

drifting between dreaming and awake

Gently, quietly.
the softest touch of a warm blanket
 sliding over my skin to settle on my shoulders.

too sleepy to swim back to the place where my eyes will open,
words about opening a window tumble out.
Because, rain.

Because, always cold.

I insist.
Because, rain.

A sigh of happiness.
The sound of a window sliding open
and the scent of fresh spring rain.

A moment of stillness as the peaceful sounds of falling rain fill the air
as i drift between dreaming and awake.

Another contented sigh
and sounds of settling.

No extra thoughts.
No stray worries.
Just the music of the rain,
the warmth of blankets,
and the slight sound of sleepy breathing.

Time to drift into dreaming.