i ramble

my pays-the-bills-world is drowning in a sea of hurricanes, rain, floods, and worried humans.
walking outside to breathe,  I find my i-love-you world is burning and the air is full of the smoky sorrows of dying forests.

The moon is orange and I spent an hour this morning smiling, talking, and wishing time would slow down.

----

I fell. I did. Completely tripped. But you know what? It's nice down here. On the ground.  I think i might stay. Really,  a soft patch of parched forest moss. It's not terrible.

Yes. I fell.
Completely.
Blindsided.
Fuck.  That shit is scary.
Intense. all the feelings.
Where'd they come from?
didn't know my bruised and battered, much mended me could feel that.
Intense. So much.

And
So.
Amazing.
So much joy. And talking

Dear gods
 so much talking.
 about.
All the things.


Choices.
No stable, sensible monotone life for me.
Give me intense joy, absolute bliss. I crave it.
I gladly pay the price.  feel the gravity. welcome the nothing. The barely living.

It. Is. All. Worth. It.

The tears. The laugh.  The bliss.



do it.

Run.
Run towards what makes you most you.
Run.
Run towards what challenges you
Run to what holds you up when you hit something that hurts more than everything and nothing all at once.

Love.
Love what doesn't question your what-ifs, your maybe-could-we, your questionable choices.

Make it yours.
With love
And honesty
And clarity.

Talking.
Listening.
Being.

The only definitions are what you decide.
Together.
You decide. Together.

Let me repeat.
  because, it is a hard lesson to learn.

Together.
You decide what makes you most happy.
Together.

You decide the best way for you.

There is no one - true - way.

There is no set line of this-goes-next.

Be happy. Be true. Be loved. Love. Care.
 Oh dear gods care.
All the caring.
All the talking.
So much talking.
So much caring.

And listening.
And joy.
So much giving joy
So much living joy.
And learning.
Patience.

It's okay to be happy today.
It's okay to worry about tomorrow.
But.
And, seriously,  still learning, still accepting

It is not okay to let the worry of tomorrow's tomorrows steal away the today.  The bliss.  The joy. The today.

Today is not tomorrow.
Live in today.
Don't wait for tomorrow.



i know,  i ramble. i'm kristin.