Skinny Minnie

I’m thin. 

Yup.

Thin. 

5’4” and 112 lbs.

I’m short and thin.  Petite.   

Always have been – with the exception of pregnancies and messing with meds to find the right balance.

Yes, I lost some weight over the last year or so, because of all the stress.  When I’m stressed I don’t eat, the thought of food makes me nauseous.

Truth be told I lost about 10 lbs over the last year.

That’s it.

Total.

10 pounds. 

Why am I thinking about weight?

I volunteered to work at a fundraising event for a friend a couple of weeks ago.  She directed this totally awesome “dancing with the stars” type fundraiser, and she recruited a group of us to help with the tech stuff.

We got to get all dressed up in cocktail attire and have fun.  Running spotlight in a little black dress?  It was awesome.

It was so much fun to be able to get dressed up and not worry about which tattoos were showing. (The company I usually work for has pretty conservative patrons, so I cover them all up when I’m working around the patrons there)

I looked good.

I felt great, I managed to do something more than a pony tail with my hair, and my little black dress was perfect. I even got to wear my grandmother’s rhinestone earrings and necklace.

One of the most awesome parts was when I walked past a guy and he completely lost track of what he was saying and had to apologize to the people he was talking to.  Made me smile.  At 35, mother of three, apparently I still look pretty darn good.

After making sure we were all set for the show, we wandered through the crowd to the bar. There was an assortment of appetizers and drinks to choose from.  Fancy smancy cheeses and sushi and other yummies.

I have a hard time eating in social situations – I don’t like crowds of people, they make me nervous.  I know this, so I made sure to eat dinner before I came. 

The friend I was wandering around with commented that he’d never actually seen me eat.  I looked at him in bewilderment.  I work with him, and I know I’m constantly eating something during rehearsals.   He quickly clarified – York peppermint patties, dum dums, granola bars and cuties.  He’d seen me eat those, but not “real” food.  I assured him I did actually eat.  Yes, the crap food I snack on during work is just that, snacks. He accepted my answer and that was that.

He made a couple other comments over the course of the three days we worked together, commenting on how tiny I am.  All were complimentary, but obviously he had noticed something was different. 

This was the most recent in a string of comments on my size. 

"Skinny Minnie" is a name I've heard directed at me.

At Christmas a brother-in-law made a comment about me needing to “fatten up” which I found hilarious, because at the time I had just finished eating the bacon.  ALL the bacon.  Mmm. Bacon.

I’ve thought about it for a long time.  Trying to figure out what’s different.

Here’s what I’ve come up with –

I’m healthier.  Period.

And my attitude shows that.

I exercise daily and drink a crap-ton of water.  Muscle weighs more than fat, so I am “smaller” but I still weigh the same.

I make sure that even if I’m not hungry I eat.  I keep a food journal.  It’s an app designed for those trying to lose weight, but I don’t use it that way, I use it to record what I’ve eaten and to track all the nutritional information.  ‘Cause sometime I forget to eat. I take a medication that has the side effect of killing my appetite.

I listen to my body.  Am I grumpy?  Tired?  Probably need to eat something. Headache?  Must not have been drinking water.

I’m healthy.  I have energy.  I smile easily.

Yes, I’m still under stress.  But I am maintaining my weight.

I work to maintain this weight, just as much as someone else works to lose weight. I'm working to be healthy.

So, it’s not about what you weigh – that’s just a number on a scale. 

It’s about how you feel, inside and out.

And I feel great.