my side of a conversation

Hey. Babe.

Just a reminder.
This is all you get.
This.

This see-me-once-an-week-or-so.
This is it.

This not-one-of-the-most-important-things-in-my-life.
This is it.

We are never going to be more.
Ever.

It's not that I don't want more, it's that I don't have more. What I give is all I'm capable of giving.

This. Is. All. I. Have.

I enjoy the time we spend together.
I look forward it, very much so.

But what give is all I've got to give.
All I'm capable of giving.

I will never depend on a someone again. Ever.

I will never marry again.
I will not.
Ever.

I will never ask someone to promise to be mine forever.
Any someone.
Ever.

Are we 'destined to fail?'

Yes. Absolutely. Except I don't see it as failing, because this was never meant to be forever.

From day one I've made that perfectly clear.

I realize now that I shouldn't have used that thing I wanted so very much to do as an out, but I did.

For that I am sorry.

Then the thing didn't pan out. So suddenly there wasn't any "reason" to be done. No easy out. No deadline.

I thought about calling it.
Being done, because it's best for you.

I knew you were hoping I'd change my mind. I also knew that wasn't going to happen.

Any time I thought about doing "what's best for you" I'd realize that it drives me batty when someone else decides what's best for me.

No one knows you better than you. You should be able to make that call for yourself.

So, I continued to be open and honest. I continued to remind you that this was it.

And this time it stuck,
this time you believe me.
Maybe it was the circumstances,
maybe I used different words.

Maybe it was that I was so vehement about it. So absolutely certain.

I'm glad you finally heard me.
I'm glad you finally listened.
I'm glad you finally believe me.

If that means you're ready to be done, I will understand.

I will be sad,
but I won't be surprised.