Gratitude

* note: When I committed to re-starting my blog, I had a completely different topic in mind to share as the first topic.  This is where it went, so this is what I’m sharing.*

I've heard a lot of “I had no idea” lately.  Well, duh.  Of course not.  I’m not exactly a social butterfly, and I’m not one to share the challenges of my life on facebook. 

I’m more likely to post pictures of my awesome chickens, like this one:

Than I am to share something that most people would respond by saying “I’m so sorry” 

Really folks, pity doesn't help.  Thanks for your concern. 

I agree, the situation is not ideal.  Yes, it sucks. No, it is not easy. Yes, I’m sure the right decision was made. No, thank you, I really don’t want to rehash all the details for you. 

Someone told me my explanations sounded too rehearsed to be the truth.  Well, when you've said the same thing over and over to different people, it’s bound to sound rehearsed.

I had an incredibly stressful summer.  For MANY reasons.

In my job as a stage manager I spend 5-6 hours a night, six nights a week with a group of actors.  Not only with them, but scheduling them, managing them, and enjoying all the quirks that actors have. 

Every actor is different, but man, they've all got quirks.  The key to my success is to identify those quirks and individualize my communication and management based on those quirks.    I digress.

So, my summer sucked royally, and throughout this mess, I was stage managing a fully staged musical with a cast of over 50, which included almost 20 children. Which by the way, was also one of the most problem-ridden productions I have ever worked on.  On SOOOOO many levels.

S.T.R.E.S.S.F.U.L.

I like to think I did a pretty good job of leaving it all at the door and focusing on work.  Certainly the majority of people didn't even notice I wasn't quite myself.   I had an amazing assistant who was able to pick up quickly for me in those times when I needed to leave to regroup for a few minutes.  Truly an amazing lady. Honestly. Amazing.  She listened.  She got it. She shared the humor.  Amazing.  

Erin – thank you.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

There were others too. 

People I've known for years and worked with off and on, who seemed to sense something wasn't right. 

Those people too, amazing. 

The little kindnesses; the quip that made me smile for the first time in days, the 45 second conversation about nothing related to anything. 

The awareness.  The genuine concern without needing to know why I was struggling.

Did you know there were people like that still out there in the world?

My life is forever changed by the kindnesses they showed me over the course of the summer. 

I cannot adequately thank them.

I’m sure some of them are not aware of how much I relied on those looks, quips, and conversations to make it to the next cue/performance/day.

I am and will always be in their debt.  They have my gratitude.  They are the kindest most honest individuals I've had the honor of knowing.

I thought about telling them.  Saying thank you to them.  But that was too scary.  That was giving too much of myself away at a time when I couldn't afford that.  Still can't.  This is probably as close as I'll get to saying thank you.  It also might have made them uncomfortable. I didn't and still don’t want anything to screw up those relationships, some have continued and grown and others were put on hold when the show closed.

And I’m okay with that.

Sometime I'll make it up to Seattle to stay in a pink guest room for a few days.