Wow. It’s been a totally crazy two weeks.
Lots and lots happening, busy with rehearsals for Camelot.
Lots of thinking time. commuting.
Not a whole lot of processing time, which explains the lack of posts.
Something coalesced last night/this morning and I think I can articulate how I’m doing.
Rewind back to 1998.
Believe it or not I spoke at my high school graduation.
In front of a billion people on stage I spoke into a microphone.
(I know, totally hard to believe isn't it?)
I really don’t remember what I said, but I know I quoted one of my favorite songs as being very relevant to that time in my life.
The song is still one of my favorites.
It’s by Green Day - "Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)”
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.
Totally relevant to a graduating high school. Right?
Okay, back to today.
This morning I woke up to my kids’ radios playing that song. As I lay there, cuddled in my cozy nest of pillows, blankets, and quilts, I listened.
And it clicked.
I was there again. Just past the fork in the road.
“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time”
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time”
I survived the test. I accepted the turning.
I just couldn’t see where it would lead.
“It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life.”
I did. It was. Even knowing that we’d end up where we are today, I’d do it over again.
I enjoyed it all. The good and the not so good.
For the last six months I've been going on the blind faith that if I just keep going I would get to a point where I could see further than a few months ahead.
I got there.
Late Friday night - after rehearsal - I sat in my cold, dark car, exhausted and emotionally drained.
Long week. Short sleep.
Then.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
I looked up and there was a friend. Asking me to get a birthday drink with her. (Friday was my 34th birthday)
I agreed, swallowed the creeping darkness, and put a smile on.
An hour and half later I was back in my cold, dark car.
In a much better place.
I’d gotten a fancy-smancy drink, shared a plate of boring fries (I adore simple food), tasted a super peaty scotch (didn't adore it) and had a crème brulee (oh, yumm.)
The night wasn’t so dark. The car wasn’t so cold.
I can do this.
I can see a future. It’s still pretty darn foggy, but it’s there
and I have support to help me find my way in the fog.
I can entertain the idea that there might be someone who will fit perfectly into my life.
More importantly, I can entertain the idea of getting to know someone to see if they’ll fit into the very-specific keyhole in my heart.
My hope is that both Josh and I will find our Someones.
They’ll both add to our family, because we are still a family.
It’s going to be difficult to find Someones who understand and enjoy being part of our family
Someones who are ready to accept the whole package.
I will be ready to open my heart when he finds his someone.
He will be ready when I find mine.
I’m not saying I’m going to be out searching for my Someone.
Nope.
Not at all.
That’s totally not me.
I’m just open to the possibility that my Someone is out there somewhere
and if the timing is just right, we may find each other.
It’s the faintest rainbow on a rainy day.
But it’s there.
And I can see it.
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