I wish it

I wish
     
       I wish


Oh, I don't know what I wish.


I don't even know what to wish.
It's all tangled and tied together.


I wish practical things like distance and time and responsibilities would just melt away.

I wish I didn't miss him quite so often.

I wish it wasn't quite so complicated.



I wish it.

So much.
So very,
         very much.


Then I remember.

How much joy is in my little corner of the world.

So I sigh,
close my eyes
 and hide my wishes away.


Because
I am loved
having what I have
knowing what I know
feeling what I feel
And it is enough.

don't wanna, can't make me

I have five half done posts.  

Half written, half sorted out.  

Half.  Five half done sort of equals two done, right?  

Except that I have five beginnings, five middles, and zero endings. 

I don’t wanna finish any of them. 

Don’t wanna, can’t make me.

Things are good right now. Really good.  

Like income > expenses good.

Like relaxing on the couch next to a someone good.

But, life.

Wrapped up inside the really good are hard things. Hard things I can’t change, situations beyond my control.  Some really, really good things and some, not so much.  all, hard.

I really don’t wanna work through that hard right now.

  

I don’t want to write about hard.  Writing about hard means that I’ve accepted that hard. 

And I don’t wanna.  

So the writing trails off. 

In each post

it

 just

stops.

I get to a certain point, and then I can’t type any more.  My brain just stops.

Know what? 

The neat thing about being an adult is that I don’t have to finish those posts right now. I don’t have to untangle the knots in my head.  The chaos can still percolate. They’ll get finished. I’ll sort it all out. 

The these tangles aren't going anywhere. They are what they are. Whether I sort it all out tomorrow, next week or next month, the these hard things aren’t going to change any time soon. 

I’ll continue to write, I’ll work on getting to the bottom of it all.

And when I do, I’ll share.

Probably.